Went to all my classes today, was productive. Spend the whole day doing things that I have been putting off for weeks. I should be getting quite a few employment offers for the whole 4 month summer. I applied to both MNR and camp jobs. MNR would look better on a resume and pay better but secretly I just want to teach arts and crafts at a kid's summer camp. I have come to realize some things about my relationship with people and my interactions with the web of the world.

my aura feels like
a little cartoon girl
with skinny knees
long, straight, blond dredlocks
holding her earphones to
hold in the sound
while she dances through
| $*$;forest |
| \/\/canyons |
| ____,plains |
| ~~~~~~rivers |
| ,^^,^,mountains |
| ,,,{**'\..,tundra |
| ~katie~e~job~ |

. the modern day sampler .
  • Current Music
    Bob Dylan - Hurricane

theme song goodness!

My new theme song:
Rainy Day Woman #12 and #35

They'll stone you when you're trying to be so good
They'll stone you just like they said they would
They'll stone you when you're trying to go home
They'll stone you when you're there all alone
But I would not feel so all alone
Everybody must get stoned

They'll stone you when you're walking on the street
They'll stone you when you're trying to keep your seat
They'll stone you when your walking on the floor
They'll stone you when your walking to the door
But I would not feel so all alone
Everybody must get stoned

They'll stone you when you're at the breakfast table
They'll stone you when you are young and able
They'll stone you when you're trying to make a buck
They'll stone you and then they'll say good luck
But I would not feel so all alone
Everybody must get stoned

Well They'll stone you and say that it's the end
They'll stone you and then they'll come back again
They'll stone you when you're riding in your car
They'll stone you when you're playing you guitar
Yes But I would not feel so all alone
Everybody must get stoned

Well They'll stone you when you are all alone
They'll stone you when you are walking home
They'll stone you and then say they're all brave
They'll stone you when you're send down in your grave
But I would not feel so all alone
Everybody must get stoned
  • Current Music
    what do you figure?


. terrific day .

slept cuddled with hippie ned boy from 1130-430 . . .
woke up in rainbow pillow - stole off down the hallway.



40/40 flower orgasm at 4:00 am
queen of world snowneige//ange(l)
starflowerbursting pregnant tummy

it gets so light so early here
and the weather demands shorts
even though the snow reaches up to my hips
in its wild bits

run on 4 hours of sleep
virtally every minute spend outside
  • Current Music
    Don Ross - Afraid to Dance

perplexed and overwhelmed for a while... slowly subsiding

Well its been one hell of a week/weekend. Good lord......

I think I finally have all my friends/crushes sorted out. The last post explains most of it and Dave and I have settled things. I've been sick for a while - my immune system is shot from having had mono earlier this year. It really sucks.

Dana and Devon have become relatively inseperable and Dana is always over there now. I'm happy for her that she's getting out and making new friend but I'm seriously concerned that she's just leading Devon on and that she's going to hurt him very badly soon. It would kill me to have to help clean up that mess.

Friday night I managed for the first time in my life to combine substances so that I was most definately inebriated and having a blast but still coherent and in control. It felt great.

My dad was up here for the weekend. That was interesting - our relationship throughout my entire life has been bipolar. When we're not fighting we're incredibly close but then when we fight its terrible and destructive and has a huge impact on my life. We managed to get through the whole weekend without fighting and I think both of us genuinely had a good time. It made me really happy but it was absolutely emotionally draining.

I feel like alot of things in my life have fallen apart. I'm back into the same rut with school - whenever I think a class is boring or pointless I don't do the work, or procrastinate, or don't go to class. But when I think its worth doing I pour myself into it. I don't know if I'm more worried about that or the fact that I really don't care most of the time that I'm doing it.

I've fallen into the cracks between groups of friends. I have a few people that I'm incredibly close to (Emmy, Motha Naitch, Devo) but I feel like I'm not really fully part of their group (yet?). Tom (especially) and Rob (to some extent) have been complete asses to me lately. I feel like I've lost my identity as a person when I'm around them. I've become the hippie. I don't mind the nickname and minor teasing/joking around - thats part of life and its fun. But lately it hasn't been fun anymore. I've let them walk all over me. I feel like I've been written off as a crazy pothead hippie girl who's fun to poke and mess around with but who doesn't really have opinions or a voice. They think that when I'm drunk and/or stoned I don't remember the things they say/do. Two recent events just topped it off. A little while ago Tom came into the hallway bellowed "HIPPIE" and when I didn't come running (I was on the phone) he just left. I'm not a fucking animal! Then on Friday I was walking by Rob's room and Tom says "Hippie go get a cup" and proceeds to get somewhat annoyed when I didn't right away and couldn't understand why I wouldn't walk up to my room to get him one of my freshly washed cups (his were all dirty). I don't understand what's happened to him but I really don't like him much at all anymore. We used to be so close... How can people treat other people like that? It boggles my mind that they can say these things and not understand when I get upset.

I like a boy. I've liked him for a while. I don't want to hear any snide comments about how many boys I have crushes on :P I've sorted out in my life the difference between loving a friend and having a crush on a boy/girl. I like this boy alot - in the way that is actually a crush (which I haven't had in a while). I'm not getting too far ahead of myself this time - we'll see what happens.

His name is Craig. He's an incredible musician and we talk about and swap music at all hours of the day and night. He's 18 (no more boys way older than me). His tattoo is Father Nature. This is the type of crush that makes me giddy and butterflies and crazy whenever I think of him. He held my hand on Saturday night! *blushes*

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Its been an emotional ride. Life has felt like a dark black and white dream. But today the sun came out and my cold subsided a bit and I spent some time out in the woods so I'm feeling better than I have in a long time. I can never get over the healing power of nature.
  • Current Music
    Snow Patrol - Grazed Knees

(no subject)

things were down... very down for a while. but Life is regaining strength.

I feel so completely more in control of my life now. Allison and Motha Naitch are settled, Ned and I are friends for now. Dave... well that's not quite sure right now but I'm comfortable with that. But oh man. Devon and I had the most intricately beautiful heartening rejuvinataing conversation last night. He helped me realize that I have problems telling the difference between the type of love I feel towards close friends and the love I associate with lovers.

We came to the ultimate conclusion that neither of us is attracted to the other on a boyfriend/girlfriend level but that we both have an intrinsic desire to be with the other. He asked if I was willing to try and attain that special rhythm of life that soulmates can sometimes maintain. I said yes. I feel intrinsically at one with him. Not in love, or crushing on, but so much more than friends so much more that I can not explain and can not even really figure out in my head. I care for him, I respect him, I feel in tune with him on a mental level and I am drawn to him physically but I am not in love with him. We'll see what happens there. I'm just so overwhelmed with the beauty of having us back as comfortable as we were before that I want to cry.

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.the beautiful Devon at the study last Thursday night.

I feel like I'm in middle school again with the drama of my "love life". School is working itself into a manageable rhythm. My father is coming to visit this weekend... I don't know how I feel about that. I'm writing more and getting more mental stimulation from being stoned again. Photography going moderately well. I'm worried about the imminent failure of my community photo_fiends I don't know what I did wrong.......

Things are all over the place... scattered... I literally cannot connect my thoughts either in my head or from the abundant post-its stuck all over my room.
  • Current Music
    Don Ross - That'll Be The Phone

i love ricky love kyla

walking today for hours on end - sleeping in the glare of a nearly setting sun - cradled in the branches of a jack pine tree - mind calm - ganja cloud floating hazily in the sharpness of the light - long path stretching into the distance - i love ricky love kyla - if you take the time to stop and listen you can hear birtch trees squeaking and conversing in the drastic cold - a dog runs towards me snuffling and breathing clouds of breath in the frosty air - snap of a shutter clicking in the silence - cold=quiet - crunchy pants resulting from mad tromping in the deep powder - i feel great - walking for hours in the great outdoors - even in this micromanaged greenspace i can feel the power of mother nature - wild

~katie the hippie
  • Current Music

trippie-hippie girl

I went shopping today with money that I didn't expect to have and really felt like spending. I bought a t-shirt, earrings and a one-hitter/hitterbox.

obligatory self-portrait of me wearing the t-shirt and earrings

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I'm going to get Dana to paint a crazy psychedellic trippie-hippie picture on my hitterbox. Yey! Much excitement abounds as I replenish my collection of pieces. They really do lend so much to the experience.

.if you listen you can hear the earth breathing.

School is back on track again. I feel so much more motivated in the spring! I've gone back to English class and the other classes I was skipping and got my work all caught up.

I've felt so chill and peaceful in the last few days. Bright sunlight, clean room, surrounded by rainbow and earth toned colours I feel like I've returned to the comfort and familiarity of my childhood bedroom. The warm days and sunlight is doing wonders too. One of the best feelings in the world is sitting amongst the trees down by the river in the snow and the sun, smoking reefer, listening to the earth with one ear and to wonderful music with the other and generally just renewing your connection to Mother Nature. I sat outside for hours today like this just thinking about things. Just letting my thoughts run all over the place and everywhere and it just felt so GOOD.

. her heartbeat drumming through packed soil .

I realized I was an adult today. While waiting for the bus I started talking to a guy at the stop who is doing his masters thesis in sport psychology. That means hes old! We were talking about different bars in town and he casually says: "Speaking of bars would you like to go for a drink sometime?" I told him I wasn't really dating right now but thanks anyways. I couldn't get over it! I've never had a guy ask me out for a drink before! Ew does this mean I have to grow upu now! Well I REFUSE! :P I'm going to the ATAC tonight to take pictures for photo_fiends. I have some good ideas - I think they're going to turn out well and I'm excited!

. rivers flowing and tree branches blowing with her thoughts .

It's been a good day.

~katie the hippie
  • Current Music
    New Mars Volta

skeleton tree free friendship love

Previous poem leads to a change of name: [hippie] fru=strata . cunt . *shrugs* ? It was a great line.

Ensuing conversation:

Dave Alarie says:
[hippie] fru=strata . cunt . says:
Dave Alarie says:
your name is not so happy
[hippie] fru=strata . cunt . says:
its a line from a poem i wrote... not quite so literal - but sorta
Dave Alarie says:
Dave Alarie says:
well ok then
Dave Alarie says:
I thought you were calling me a cunt
[hippie] fru=strata . cunt . says:
[hippie] fru=strata . cunt . says:
i guess i can though if you really want
[hippie] fru=strata . cunt . says:
dave. you are a cunt.
Dave Alarie says:
haha kinky

Flirtation rating = high, comfort level when in situation = oddly drastically low. Would rather flirt and converse. Brew infatuation, but remain friends. Conversation is wonderful, stimulating, mindfucking.

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The drumming Devon is simply a huggable cuddly teddy-bear bestfriendboy.
Sunnymotherearth is my peace loving, super-inspirational big sister.

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Lala is the beautiful dancing handholding girl-friend. But in that devoid of romantic interest kinda way.

</i>.friends are the pillars of the world.

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On the other hand - out of left field has returned my treeboy. Skeletons and tree limbs fitting together like two hippie children cuddling in the sand.

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And the earthy spirit E girl. Making my world go rocking round.

i am far too full of love for so many of my friends

platonic simple friendship vs. intricate sexual exploration/revelation
  • Current Music
    Jack Johnson - Taylor



i think i have a fixation with the written word
a sos
. -illumination

i prefer romantic subtitles
to thick american accents
and i read erotica instead of watching porn

hopeless romantic
. cunt .
celebrate sexuality
  • Current Music
    Godspeed You Black Emperor